I was talking about a book called Cyclettes to a friend the other day. About how much I adored the smaller musings and figured I'd play around with the format for myself!

  1. Yesterday was Dad's birthday. I think he became 70. How odd that I remember the birthday of a man who gave me 50% of my DNA, 75% of my trauma, and was around for 20% of my life. Parents, be nice to your kids. Seriously. Sacrifice for them. They deserve a mininum of that.
  2. I am successfully tying my loose ends, and seeing more ends expose themselves as I do. I remain committed though. I finished 3 books. I will finish one more today. After that, I have 6 books and 3 manga to finish. I should also finish watching all the Studio Ghibli films. One is silent which I know will challenge my sense of focus.
  3. I am too nice. I'm tired of being an archetype, or a dopamine boost. I am not the idiot. Or the wanton whore. Or the caring mother. Or the blunt administrator. I am all of those and none of those, all being said. I see the beauty in all those around me, yet I lack the ability to grant myself the credit of nuance. I reduce myself and expect miracles.
  4. A storm is brewing for tomorrow. I hope everyone in the alert zones stay safe.
  5. Mom's name lingered in a final place. I need to change it soon.
  6. Current obsessions: K laying her head on my legs as she plays Switch. Making me sit outside while she runs, happy and free. The shadow of a flower in the 4PM sun. Spanish poetry. Good lyrics. Seulgi's comeback teasers. Biting into soft, buttery bread. Sesame seeds. Dancing to old merengue songs for minutes straight and wanting more. Letters. Listening to audio messages about the meaning of life and the state of the world and the merits of sparkling water. Deep discussions about retro TV shows. The one gif of Ken putting on sunglasses. My new Tarot deck.
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“You feel disoriented, May,” the hum said. “You are unsure how to be in the world as it is now. You know the world is damaged, but you don’t know what that means for the lives of your children. You want to prepare them for the future, but you are scared to picture the future. You are seeking inside yourself the scrappiness, the courage, that will power the rest of your life.
– Helen Phillips (Hum)